Friend refuses to pay $100 for best friend's birthday dinner even though she can afford it: 'The restaurant has a $1,200 minimum and only allows one credit card for the entire bill'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Oct 9, 2026 6:00 PM EDT

Should you be required to splash out for a friend's birthday dinner?

Sometimes birthdays get out of hand. I know I've been there. Maybe you have that friend who has fancy taste, and you know that when their birthday rolls around, things might get a little crazy. They're going to want to go to a nice restaurant, and just because they picked it doesn't mean they're going to cover the bill. If you have a friend like this, you might have ways of coping with it. You might have money set aside for when their events come up. But friendship is worth spending money on. It's a good thing to spend a little cash on some memories that will last you a lifetime. It's actually a pretty good setup. If you don't spend your money on this kind of thing, then what are you going to spend it on? Everything deserves to be celebrated, and the closest people in your life are included in that. If you're not willing to spend on that, then you might have to draw some boundaries around your friendships. And you might lose some friendships in the process. If you're constantly counting yourself out of things, even things that you can afford, this is not a long-term strategy for making connections and keeping them. That's what was happening here, in this pair of friends who were hitting a rough spot when it came to one of their birthdays. 

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    A friend is handed a birthday cake at their birthday dinner
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Featured likenesses do not identify those mentioned.


    A friend is handed a birthday cake at their birthday dinner

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    Am I in the wrong for letting my financial anxiety get in the way of my best friend's birthday dinner?

    My best friend (24f) and I (23f) have been friends since middle school (almost 10 years). We've lived in different cities for a while, but I recently moved back to our hometown for a new job, so this is the first time I've actually been able to attend her birthday dinner.
    via u/Ok_Bus_814
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    She's having it at a somewhat upscale seafood restaurant in Chicago with about 15 people. I don't know any of the other guests. I recently found out privately from one of her friends that the restaurant has a $1,200 minimum and only allows one credit card for the entire bill. So everyone needs to spend at least $100,
    via u/Ok_Bus_814
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    and then everyone has to Venmo/pay back whoever puts the bill on their card. Apparently we'll either have to keep track of everyone's individual orders or just split everything evenly.
    via u/Ok_Bus_814
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    I technically have the money and could afford the $100. I'm not financially struggling. But honestly, the whole situation really bothers me. I'm not someone who particularly enjoys expensive restaurants, and I would have expected someone to ask me beforehand if I was
    via u/Ok_Bus_814
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    comfortable spending $100+ on a birthday dinner, especially when I'm also expected to deal with a complicated group bill with 14 people I've never met. If I were making the reservation, I would absolutely tell everyone the expected minimum beforehand and make sure they were okay with it.
    via u/Ok_Bus_814
  • 07
    The problem is that I've already told my friend multiple times that I could go (didn't know the restaurant/price when agreed). I just said I'd be happy to celebrate her, and what's handle my anxiety for the night, even though historically have hated birthday dinners for this exact reason. I know if I suddenly tell
    via u/Ok_Bus_814
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    her, "I really want to celebrate you, but I don't want to spend $100 on this dinner," she'll probably understand, but I also know she'll be disappointed and may think I'm being cheap.
    via u/Ok_Bus_814
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    And I don't think I'm actually a cheap person. I'm happy to spend money on people and experiences when I want to. I'm just really uncomfortable with this particular situation, and I think my financial anxiety is making me want to back out. Anyways, please don't be mean I do go to therapy and am medicated, I'm just feeling so bad and like a horrible friend and don't know what to do in this situation.
    via u/Ok_Bus_814
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    So AITA if I tell her I can't go after already committing to the dinner? Or should I just s k it up, spend the $100, and go because it's important to my best friend and I already said I would?
    via u/Ok_Bus_814
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    A woman sits in front of a birthday cake with a sparkler
    via Jordan González For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.


    A woman sits in front of a birthday cake with a sparkler

  • The thing about friendship is that it needs to be nurtured. You can't just sit back and expect everything to be okay when it's clearly not. You have to put a little bit of effort into things or else the connection will wither on the vine. Connections are so important. My friends are the best part of my life, and it's not even close. So if you're ready to give up on friendship over a couple of dollars, then you should think twice. The person in this story was trying to figure that out, and they wanted some advice on it. Keep scrolling for more.

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    Commenters gave their honest opinions.

    johnsonbabypowder Sorry but YTA, just keep track of your meal and Venmo your $100 but I don't think this is that extravagant to skip or complain over.
    via u/Ok_Bus_814
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    marquessmint You said you'd be happy to celebrate her, and that you can afford $100. I don't know if this is financial anxiety as much as you being self-centered. She wants to go to a restaurant she likes because it's her birthday-it doesn't matter if
    via u/Ok_Bus_814
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    you don't enjoy expensive restaurants. It's also just not a big deal to itemize things like this, you take a picture of the receipt and people pay for what they ordered plus tax and tip. I feel like you're grasping at straws to justify not wanting to go.
    via u/Ok_Bus_814
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    Neon-Funeral What you save your money for if not things like this. Money for memories isn't a bad thing
    via u/Ok_Bus_814
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    Imaginary_Escape2887 YTA, you could just offer to take her out one on one, but you kept saying you would go without making any effort to look up the restaurant. If you actually want to celebrate your friend, do it and don't make excuses.
    via u/Ok_Bus_814
  • 17
    flynena-3 YTA gently. Since it's your best friend, you haven't been able to spend time with her in years due to distance and you have already told her you can go, s k it up and go. I S understand how you feel
    via u/Ok_Bus_814
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    and you're not wrong for that. Also, I don't know if your friend organized it or someone else, but either way, you should have been told about that. What if that was not affordable to you? For people who have gone before, the expectation probably is that they already
    via u/Ok_Bus_814
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    know what the arrangements are, but you are new to the birthday dinner group so somebody, whether it be your friend or whoever was organizing it with everyone, should have let you know. If it's an upscale restaurant, between apps, dinner and drinks, it's
    via u/Ok_Bus_814
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    probably going to come out to that amount anyway. Idk if your friend also pays for herself or everybody chips in to pay for her part as well? You should ask some of that stuff just so you have clarification. But sometimes things unexpectedly come up or there's a plot twist and it's not what we expected.
    via u/Ok_Bus_814
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    It's important to be able to go with the flow when possible. I think this is one of those situations. Let this roll off your shoulders, enjoy going out with your friend and meeting all of her other friends. Maybe this will be your entry into a great new group of people to hang out
    via u/Ok_Bus_814
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    with! And if once a year it's like this, then it's okay, it's only once a year and you will now be prepared for next time. It's not always about the money, sometimes other stuff is just as important.
    via u/Ok_Bus_814

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friendship relationship advice aita drama AITAH best friends storytime friends listen to your friends reddit story relationships friend drama friend story reddit thread Reddit discourse conflict
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